I haven't done much on here lately

Things have been kind of hectic with work and life in general. Just trying to get myself ready for the holidays, you know. Today I'm stuck at home - I woke up with a nasty headache this morning and then just as I was getting ready to get into the shower, the handy dandy maintenance man pounded on my door to tell me that there was a sewage back-up and to not flush the toilet. And if I needed to take a shower, I should plug up the drain and keep the water in the tub until they gave me the go-ahead to let it out. Now who in the world wants to have a bathtub full of dirty shower water just sitting there for who knows how long? So I've spent the last four hours listening to them plunge and run drain snakes and who knows what. I hear a vacuum going now, so I'm hoping that means they are about done and I can get back to functioning with normal running water and the ability to take a shower sometime soon. Oh how we neglect the things like this and don't appreciate it until we don't have access to it. Right now I just really want to take a shower.

So right now I'm sitting here watching the snow flurries twist around in the wind and watching a bit if TV and playing dumb games on Facebook because I really can't think of anything better to do. But it's a nice change of pace for once. I painted my nails - something I've been meaning to do for like 3 weeks now and never got around to it. There is a pile of newspapers on the living room floor that really could stand to be put into a recycling bag and taken down to the garbage. And I need to go grocery shopping. But I think I'll sit here and watch the snow instead.

Anyway, back to a few things that I am thankful for today ...

1 - Getting to talk to William for a while yesterday. It's hard when he's not at work and he's at the farm where he can't get a cell signal without climbing up a hill. And he works so hard when he's at the farm that by the end of the day he's completely exhausted. So the conversations are few and far between, so I value them when I do get them.

2 - Fleece jackets. I had to fight to get my lovely dandelion yellow Columbia fleece after I put it on hold at work and a customer ended up taking it off the rack when no one was looking. We called 2 different stores in the area and I had to drive 20 minutes to get it, but it's mine now and no one else can have it. And the lovely person who took mine off the hold rack didn't even end up purchasing it - schmuck.

3 - Snow flurries, especially when it's not coming down a foot a minute and it's just softly drifting through the air.

4 - The unconditional love of my cat, who is now sitting here staring at me because the maintenance guys are running the drain snake through the pipes again and it's kinda freaking her out.

5 - Time with family and friends, even if it is occasionally stressful and you want to roll your eyes at them. They still love you no matter what.

I haven't written anything in quite a while ...

It's been a long few weeks, and I'm really tired. And it's just beginning. The holidays are right around the corner and so are the 60+ hour work weeks. Not fun. And I certainly don't want to do this forever. But the biggest thing I am thankful for is that I paid off all my debt! It only took me finally giving in and realizing that I couldn't do it by myself, and it only took five years once I actually admitted that to myself and got some help. I made my last payment on Oct. 1, got a confirmation call today that I am PAID IN FULL, and did a little happy dance in a circle. Now I'm going to try my hardest to not get myself involved in that mess again and finally get back on track with paying the student loan that I have been deferring for the past five years.

I am also thankful for Fall. I'm not sure if it's my favorite season because I love the spring and watching the flowers and trees starting to bloom. But after a drooling hot summer, I can also greatly appreciate weather cool enough to wear sweatshirts and jeans. Many times it reminds me a lot of the Kenyan weather I experienced - 60-70ish during the day and 50s at night. I'm not sure though if it's that I enjoyed that weather so much or that I enjoyed the experience so much and the weather just takes me back. I'm craving a visit back, but going back also scares me. It's one of those addictive things - once you've been there, it changes you (and not just the way it changed me since that's a whole other story) and it's something that you want to re-experience. There have been several days where I have fought the urge to figure out how I can make a trip back there before William comes here, but financially it's just not a good idea. And my family would probably be scared to death that I'd just stay.

So I guess that's two things to be thankful for today - three more to go...

I'm thankful that I'm proving myself at work and not completely screwing things up. I've always known that I could handle the job that was given to me, but actually doing it is a whole other experience. Given my past history doing something similar, I'm always afraid that I am missing something or that I'm going to get that proverbial slap in the face that I never see coming. With only about three weeks left to go, we're still getting by without that happening, so let's just continue down that path.

You can never underestimate a good cup of coffee either. Even moreso when it's a cold rainy morning and you've got a 2-4 cup-er starting off your day. Tomorrow morning will be a side trip to Starbucks.

Speaking of Starbucks, I'll give them full credit for Thankful Item #5. I "like" one of their Facebook pages, so they randomly added $5 to my gold card as a thank you. Thank you, Starbucks. Granted my cup of coffee from there tomorrow morning will cost me about $5, but hey, I'm not paying for it!

Until the next time ....

I'm on a mission ...

to live a better live and prepare myself for William's arrival, regardless of when that will be. I'm severely out of shape, no doubt about it. Between the PCOS and not having time to focus on being and staying healthy, I'm not proud of who I am right now. I feel like I gain weight uncontrollably and I have no idea how to stop it. So I'm on a mission. One of my colleagues at work has been doing a great job running and she has the results to show for it. Unfortunately I've probably got a good 80 pounds or more up on her, but I find it an inspiration nonetheless.

So what did I do tonight? After work, I drove myself down to the Metroparks and made a noble attempt at it. I went a total of 2 miles, jogging in short spurts when I could, rapidly walking the rest of it. It hurt like the dickens, but it also felt good. And I guarantee you that it wasn't a pretty sight, so I kept the jogging to areas where there was no one within view :-). With the weather starting to cool off, I'm hoping that I can make it a regular routine on nights that I am not working. So far this week is off to a good start - I work tomorrow night so we'll have to see if I can stay motivated again on Wednesday. It's also a great stress-relieving break from the chaos that work has been lately. And I keep picturing the wedding dress hanging at my mom's house that I am hopeful to be wearing sometime next year. And the thought that newly-weds gain weight after they get married, which I certainly DON'T need to do. So I'm trying to fend off the inevitable or make the inevitable more difficult.

All I know is that I am not happy with myself right now - I'm overweight and my face is breaking out like nobody's business now that I'm PCOS medication-free for the timebeing. HATE IT! So I need to try to focus on what I can do to try to feel better about myself and make me better because I have lots of things to look forward to.

Thankfulness - Aug. 25

Is it August 25? I can't seem to keep track these days. I do know it's Thursday and I do know that I've had four glorious evenings off work, yet I must return back to the grind tomorrow.



As much as I hate the hours, the grind, and the toll that it takes on me both mentally and physically, I am thankful that I am fortunate enough to have a second job that helps me keep my head above water. Some people aren't lucky enough to have a job at all. I have less than 2 months left before the credit card bills are DONE. After that, we save for visa and green card paperwork, a wedding and a future in which I may be the sole source of income for a two-person household for who knows how long. And perhaps there are opportunities down the road that will allow me to ditch the second income and be back to making a single one that's enough for me to get by on the lifestyle I am used to living.



Each day I try to remind myself that I have many things to be thankful for even though it might not always be the best of days. Today I am truly thankful for having four straight nights of freedom, not having to rush home from work, shovel down dinner, change clothes and head to the mall.



I am also thankful for the honest conversations I can have with William. Our relationship has blossomed despite the fact that we're 8,000 miles apart and it's been almost all over the phone. Sometimes I think that's been the best way - none of those outside pressures that can cloud your judgment or interfere and mess with your head. We had a great conversation just the other day about how watching the people around us that we know and love and how they interact/don't interact with each other can be a tremendous learning lesson for us. We can learn from their experiences, whether they succeed or fail, and apply them to our own relationship and how we treat each other.

I miss my cat. I'm thankful that she is still with me even though she's currently on holiday at Grandma's house. She's 14 years old and you never really know how much longer she's going to be with us. Only a little over a week and then I can go retrieve her from her Gram, as long as she cooperates and doesn't camp out under the bed like she did the last time -- thus the reason she's still at Gram's. I only have so much patience :-).

I am thankful for opportunities, whether they are ones I've already had or ones that are yet to come. One never knows what the future holds and sometimes you just need to sit back, learn from your past mistakes, be patient and see what happens. Although it isn't always as easy as it sounds, sometimes you just need to pay your dues, keep your fingers crossed and toss out a few prayers.

Until the next time ....

It's Complicated

I've seen a lot of people I know recently change their relationship status on Facebook to It's Complicated over the past few weeks, and sadly I can see a few more coming. I certainly am not going to judge - most of them I don't know well enough or know their significant other at all to have any opinion on their situations. But it makes me feel fortunate that even dispite the limbo I currently live in, I have someone - my significant other - that's complicated but not "this isn't working" complicated.

We had a nice chat today about feeling like we're in school when we watch other people's relationships - learning from both their successes and their failures and the lessons we can take away from it. We certainly have a challenge ahead of us with him uprooting is entire life and moving 8,000 miles away from everything that he's ever known, and me having lived with no one other than my cat for the past 14 years. But I look forward to the days where we can do the fun things like all the stuff I don't do now because I'd have to do them by myself (I'd love to take a cooking class), or all the mundane things that I get tired of doing by myself (grocery shopping). I know that we have our skeptics out there - that we're both too set in our ways and there are too many cultural differences that will be too much of a battle. And those skeptics are sometimes none too shy in voicing their thoughts. But all we can do is plug our way through the hard times, keep the lines of communication as open as we possibly can, and remember all of the struggling we've had to do to even get to that point. A wise woman that I admire told me recently "through adversity comes strength." I'm holding her to that one because we've already had more than our fair share of adversity. I can only hope that means that once we finally get this thing where we want it to be, we will be the most rock-solid couple you've ever met and it will never become "It's complicated."

I hate being sick

It sucks. Especially when I have four million things to do, not enough time to do them as it is, and no time to rest. But I know that sometimes it is just my body's way of telling me that I need to slow down a bit and since I won't do it myself, it will do it for me.

Today I am very thankful to have William in my life. It's hard because we haven't seen each other in well over a year, and we don't get to talk to each other nearly as much as we would like. But the benefit to that is that when we do get to talk to each other, it's a huge pick-me-up that reminds us how lucky we are to have found each other. He works so hard - we both work so hard. And it's hard knowing that so much of our future is outside of our control. But there is nothing we can do but pray and hope and trust.

Just one thing to be thankful for today

Well, I'm sure there are many, but there is one major thing to be thankful for today - that my family is happy and healthy for the most part. Today I found out that the nephew of someone married into my family could have a brain tumor -- we're talking about a young child who is maybe about 6 years old. He's done nothing in his life to deserve this, not that anyone ever does deserve to have something like this happen to them in the first place. He hasn't been able to do anything except be a kid. I'm not sure about the circumstances or what led them to take him to the doctor's in the first place. He was flown to a hospital in a major city, where they have begun referring to it as a "mass" rather than a tumor and will undergo surgery tomorrow -- or so I have read through some random Facebook postings from the member of my family related to this young boy.

The more I think about it, the more I think back to my niece Brooke who was only with us for six days before her parents had to let her go. I was there holding that child's hand when she went to be with God, and it was one of the hardest days of my entire life. Even now it's still bringing tears to my eyes over 4 years later. But I am also eternally grateful to have 3 other very strong, healthy nieces who are constantly giving their parents a run for their money. They are the light of my life, even though I don't get to see them nearly as often as I'd like. They laugh and they play soccer and they dance and they drive their parents crazy, just as all young kids their age should.

I can only pray for this young boy now and hope for the best. He hasn't done, nor will he ever do, anything to deserve what he's going through right now. My thoughts and prayers are with him, his parents and his entire family, and I hope for the best outcome that they can possibly have. In the meantime I'll picture my nieces laughing and playing and napping and watching DVDs and all those other wonderful things that kids their age should be doing. And that's what I am thankful for today.

Not sure what to do with myself ....

After working about 5 out of 7 days at Job #2 for the past 2 weeks, this week I only worked on Sunday, Tuesday and again on Saturday. Sadly having all of this free time makes me wonder what to do with myself. I baked one night -- cupcakes and brownies to treat my teammates at Job #1 since it's been a rather stressful few weeks and will probably continue that way for a while. And there are plenty of things I could be doing - the dishes in the dishwasher need put away so I can refill it with the pile starting in the sink. The carpet is in desperate need of a good vaccuum. And there is a pile of clothes on the bedroom floor that could be put away, although to my credit, it is about half the size that it was about a week ago (I ran out of clean unwrinkled things to wear so I HAD to do it). And I also have plenty of emails to catch up on, whether it's the ones that I get and all I have to do is click on them to earn points, or just replying to people asking me how things are going.

Looking forward to Project Runway tonight, although I'm not sure about this whole 90-minute episode thing. I'm not sure my attention span is that long. And I can't really think of anything witty to say right now either, so I'm feeling rather lame. So I'm going to try to come up with my five things to be thankful for today.

1 - Having nothing to do. Although again I do have tons of things I COULD be doing, but nothing that I HAVE to do. It's a strange feeling.

2 - Early morning wake-up calls. It's so nice to have a pleasant voice from someone you love telling you good morning and apologizing for calling you so early, even if you really don't care because you are just so happy to hear that voice.

3 - Good sleeping weather. It's a relief to turn off the air conditioning and open up the windows and not spend half the night tossing and turning from the heat and humidity.

4 - New purses! Ordered myself a Harvey's Seatbelt Bag for my birthday. It arrived yesterday and everything was promptly transferred to the new bag. Fighting the urge to buy the next one, but I really can't justify spending that much money on a purse at the moment. Maybe next week :-).

5 - Wasting the evening watching movies on TV that I haven't seen yet. Lifetime is running a lovely marathon of "No Reservations" and "Because I Said So" prior to the premier of the new season of Project Runway. Nothing like mindless TV to fill up the hours!

Until the next time, peace out, peeps.

Life and all its craziness

Work has gotten the best of me this week. After only being scheduled at Job #2 on Sunday and Friday, I ended up there every day except for Monday. And Job #1 is slightly insane due to staffing levels. Fixes are on the way, but it's going to be rather painful for everyone in the meantime. But I'm looking forward to my new temporary adventure, even if it's been delayed a few weeks.

I'm not scheduled to work this weekend, so I've had two full days to myself. I cancelled my volunteer shift at the zoo just because I have so many other things I need to deal with - grocery shopping, a trip to the pet store to restock on cat food, cleaning the blasted apartment. And I work at Job #2 four out of the next five days as well, so I need to at least try to make a dent. But so far today has been spent on Facebook and now blogging. But I have a list and shortly I hope to start checking things off that list. At least I did get the dishwasher emptied out so I can start filling it all over again.

Yesterday I was having one of those slightly resentful days where I hate having to do everything by myself. Carrying in the groceries and other assundries took 3 trips, which is even worse when it's 90 degrees outside. Then I had to put the new grill together by myself - granted it's a $25 portable one from Target so it didn't take much, but that's not the point. And there is a sink full of dishes - most of which will get dumped into the dishwasher whether they are dish washer safe or not - that need to be dealt with. I've been doing this for 14 years now and it officially sucks. Or maybe it's the idea that someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, I won't HAVE to do it by myself. It's been over a year since William was here, and granted he was only here for about a month, but it was a nice change of pace to not have to do everything by myself all of the time. There is so much work to do between now and then, but hopefully time will go quickly and soon I'll be adjusting to a new way of life.

So what's up today?

I haven't been scheduled to work for several Saturdays in a row now and I'm certainly not complaining! I'm struggling to fit in all of my volunteer hours at the zoo this year due to working two jobs, so this is giving me a good chance to try to catch up on some of that. I spent a lovely, yet extremely HOT, evening this past Wednesday at the zoo for Zoo Friends night. I hung out with my boys, Bebac and Mokolo, who were well behaved, mostly because it was too darn hot to do anything, and caught up with some friends I haven't seen in a while. It was also nice to have a lovely, intelligent, coversation with an older couple about the plight of gorillas and our two boys. I love those two boys dearly and it was a pleasure having an adult conversation about them with people who truly cared.

This week also started a new, yet old, adventure, moving back into a faux management role while my boss is on maternity leave. I had the opportunity to start easing back into that role after having been a manager years ago, and while it is very different this time around due to an evolving department, some things still feel comfortably the same. I'm looking forward to the change of pace and getting a second opportunity to do something that I feel like I failed at miserably the first time around. It's a clean slate and I'm confident that I can fill the shoes that I'm being asked to fill.

What do I have to be thankful for today? Let's see ...

1 - Spending time in a non-work setting with coworkers at Carrie's baby shower. That was a lot of fun despite the fact that at moments I sometimes don't feel like I always fit in with the people I work with anymore. It was nice being able to celebrate new life and hopefully someday I will be on the receiving end of that as well.

2 - Being able to turn off the air conditioning and open the windows. I hate having the apartment all closed up and it seems like the ants and spiders try to find refuge anytime you close the place up to turn on the A/C for more than 2 days in a row. Also makes for a much more pleasant sleep.

3 - Sheetz - not only do they normally drive down gas prices in the areas where they are located, they have a kick-butt Made-To-Order food selection/espresso bar.

4 - Not spending my entire weekend working. It's nice to have a weekend day off where you get to feel like you can do what you want to do, when you want to do it.

5 - Harry Potter movies. I'm looking forward to the final two but I will be sad when it's over.

Today I had a very old friend ask me how I met William as she said she was sure it would be an interesting story to tell. I'm still amazed each day at how our relationship has progressed and that we have managed to stay strong dispite the distance between us. I feel fortunate every day to have found him and I'm sure that someday soon the struggles we have endured will be over and we will be a stronger couple for it. That day can't come soon enough for me.

Night, peeps.

It's been a lovely holiday weekend

And tomorrow we all return to the daily grind. So before I tuck myself under the covers in my lovely air conditioned apartment, I want to reflect on those 5 things to be thankful for today.

1 - Grandad smiling and laughing with me. It gives me a glimmer of hope that he actually remembers who I am sometimes.

2 - Air conditioning. Seriously ... just mentioning it above doesn't give it enough credit on 95 degree days.

3 - Sunscreen, cause without it I would have turned into a lobster on Sunday.

4 - Reality TV - makes my life look normal.

5 - A text message just as I'm going to bed. You can never have too many of those.

Today was one of those days ...

where I could find a million things to complain about if I wanted to and it wouldn't take much thought. But I'm not going to. I'm going to think long and hard about those 5 things that I promised I was going to reflect on every day.

1 - I think that my neighbor's cat likes me more than she likes her owners. Each day when she's outside, she runs to greet me when I come home from work, meowing and curling around my feet. Do my shoes smell like cat food?

2 - Brisk pre-dinner walks around the neighborhood with my iPod blaring in my ears. Definitely helps clear the mind after one of those days.

3 - My wedding dress, even when I have no idea when I'll actually get to wear it.

4 - Knowing the guy that has other people going "OMG, who IS that??"

5 - Really not caring if Lebron stays or goes. I've been over it for like a year now. All these people that are coming in from New York, New Jersey, Chicago, LA, whatever, are just causing traffic jams in downtown Cleveland. Oh wait, I guess that would actually be one of those things I could find to complain about today. Oh well -- 4 outta 5 ain't bad.

I'm enjoying these days when I can come home from work and it's not so stinking hot that I can't go outside and take a stroll around the neighborhood or I have to scarf down dinner and go to work again. Having a healthy lifestyle has never been a big focus for me, so I'm trying to change that. The good news is that Real Age has calculated that my real age is only about 6 months older than my actual age. I'd like to reverse that and have my real age be 6 months less than my actual age -- baby steps. Funny thing is that I don't feel my real age at all. Mentally I feel like I'm about 10 years younger than I actually am. Some people would tell you that mentally I'm about 20 years younger on some days. Whatev ... I am who I am and you can't teach an old dog new tricks, right?

On that note, I now need to go clean off the cup of coffee that someone dumped down the side of my car in the parking garage at work today. I hope that it was a triple venti soy something with extra foam that they paid about 6 bucks for at Starbucks. I love my car -- it deserves better than a home-brewed Folgers.

Now what?

One of the things I would like to do with my blog is something that I tried before and failed miserably at doing. I tried keeping a journal where each day I would write five positive things or things that just made me happy for the day. I think that by doing it this way instead of writing it on paper, I might feel more accountability to actually do it. Well, some days there may only be three, but I'll give it a valiant effort. So here's today's ...

1 - Text messages at midnight. While some may find them an annoyance, they remind me that I am loved and that someone is thinking of me.

2 - Coffee, cause who can have a fully productive day without it.

3 - 70 degrees and sunshine. 'nough said.

4 - Betty White - cracks me up.

5 - Coworkers that you enjoy working with, even if you don't always like the job.

I also woke up this morning dreaming about cupcakes. Not sure what that is about but I'm sure my coworkers would tell me that means I need to bake more. And this time 3 years ago I was horseback riding through the African savannah. Yes, I'm obsessing. And now I need to go harvest my crops on Farmville ....

The random thoughts begin ....

Actually not really. I've thought about starting a blog but then realized that I'm not sure that I'd want anyone to read it. Or that anyone would want to read it. So this blog is more about me writing down my random thoughts. Some people use Twitter -- I don't get Twitter. I mean I GET it, but it's not for me. My random thoughts usually require more characters than that.

Why did I choose an elephant as my background? Because elephants never forget. I have a fiance with a memory like an elephant. I think that he's one of the reasons I'm starting a blog -- because I don't want to forget either. And someday my blog might just turn into a best-selling novel or a big screen film. For anyone who has played any part in my journey with William, they would probably agree. But I'll leave those stories for another day. Right now I'm tired and going to bed. And remembering that exactly 3 years ago at this moment, I was being summoned out of bed by someone in Kenya bearing coffee so I could sit out on my front porch and watch the elephants roam by on the hillside before going out on a morning game drive. There's those darn elephants again.