Here we are, less than five weeks to go before our little guy makes his debut. Right now I'm sitting on the couch, feeling him bop around in there doing who knows what. It's a strange feeling, yet comforting. One of my nurses told me that an active baby is a happy baby - well then, I've got one happy little kid in there!
All the baby stuff is getting a little overwhelming. The crib is set up and now has his little mobile attached to it thanks to my boss and her husband. The pack & play is assembled, the car seat/stroller is in the box waiting to be opened thanks to my mom, there's a laundry basket full of blankets and towels and washcloths and swaddlers and clothes to be washed. My wonderful friends Cathy and Mary had a baby shower for me last week, so all of the sudden we went from having just a crib and mattress to all of this. And my former dressbarn colleagues are having a shower for me in two weeks. I feel like physically we'll be ready for him to come, but mentally, I'm not so sure.
I've had a few meltdowns in the past few weeks, stressing out over whether I'll be ready for this and if I'll be a good mom. It's scary to think that this little life will be completely dependent on me. It's overwhelming. But I can do this. I think. I know William has to be overwhelmed - he has none of this stuff in his culture. But he's been such a trooper. We put shelf paper on all of the shelves in the baby closet the other night and he mopped the closet floor. We put up the closet organizer set that my mom bought for us and unpacked and took everything out of its packaging. Soon we'll be close enough that I can order my breast pump (although I fully admit that the idea of breastfeeding FREAKS ME OUT). Yet I still panic that something will go wrong and I know I need to get past that. Every time I feel those little feet kicking me, he's reminding me that everything is okay in there and to stop worrying. Maybe someday soon I will.
